The Last Place: Diary of a Retirement Home
Produced by Joe Richman
Broadcast on WBEZ in 5/98 and NPR's All Things Considered (8/10/1998)




NOAH ADAMS, HOST: People in their 80's and 90's make up the fastest-growing segment of the U.S. population. And many of these people are living in retirement communities. Presbyterian Homes in Evanston, Illinois is one such place. Its residents can live on their own there in town houses and, when necessary, move on to assisted care apartments or to the nursing facility. 530 people call the place home. Their ages range from 65 to 106. Producer Joe Richman went to Presbyterian Homes and got to know the residents there. He gave a few of them tape recorders to keep audio diaries of their lives in retirement.

[group singing with piano: "A shanty in old shantytown...", then music fades]

[sound of door closing]

JOE PEINE: Apartment A103. And itís a little two room cubicle. My name is Joseph G. Peine. P-E-I-N-E, the hard way. Iím eighty-eight years old. I was a free soul up until a couple of years ago. [cough] And after the last bout I had with the hospital, came up with the, what-da-ya-callit, Presbyterian Homes, and said this is the place to be. So thatís why Iím here. So I sold the beautiful car of my life. Cadillac four-door sedan Deville. With a big tire on the back, red leather lining, big wire wheels. Looked like the Titanic. Oh, it was a beautiful car. And when I came here I sold it.

[piano music]

ELEANOR ERICKSON: It was assumed many years ago, when you got old you lived with the family. And I guess thereís something to be said for that. But at the same time, itís a nice feeling to know you can be cared for without depending on the family or putting them out. One nice thing about being here - there are so many activities, so many movies we can see. We can have our EKG here. Dentistry. Podiatry. You name it, we have it here.

[sound of dining room]

ELEANOR: Well. Iím Eleanor Erickson. I am soon going to be ninety-six years old. Now one thing - when we go to breakfast. Breakfast is served at seven-thirty. We cannot go down in robes and slippers and curlers. We have to be dressed.

WAITRESS: And a regular order?
ELEANOR: Yeah, a little bit.
WAITRESS: OK.
ELEANOR: Fine, thank you.

ELEANOR: Joan says I complain about the food. Eggs, waffles, pancakes. Today was pretty good. Thereís so much activity going on here. You get to the place where you feel your age and you just acknowledge that, and youíre thankful you donít have to do anything.

[dining room sound fades]

JOE PEINE: Seventy-seven years I smoked cigarettes. Iím eighty-eight now and I started when I was twelve years old. So figure that one out. Thatís how long I smoked. And now Iím allowed, my daughter allows me three cigarettes a day. One after breakfast, one after lunch and one after dinner. And thatís...thatís part of my problem. I have this thing to trot around with. Wheeling that goddamn thing around all the time. Itís a green tank, to which are attached tubing that you put into your nose and you put the oxygen on and it goes up your nose and into your lungs. It helps you to breathe. And there you go. [lights cigarette, inhales]


ELEANOR ERICKSON: Weíre back in my room now and I am taking my daily ration of raisins and gin. Ever here of it? This should be interesting. [opens jar] Well this is just a little plastic jar to fill up with white raisins, cover them with gin and leave them standing for a couple weeks. They puff up a little bit. And then you eat nine every day. Not eight, or ten. Although I sometimes have my ten. And some people claim that it helps arthritis. And Iíve got enough in here for maybe two, three days. [closes jar]

[piano music]

ELEANOR ERICKSON: I have been in this room now for over five years. I realize this is my last home. Lifetime care. When I came in here, I put my assets in trust. Thatís used for my care. So, they know that they have to take care of me until Iím gone and I know that too. Itís kind of a good feeling. When I die, this is it.

[piano music]

JOE PEINE: I donít enjoy this kind of living, thatís all. But don't forget that for years and years and years, I was on the road. I was a salesman. Menís clothing. Society Brand, Limited. I was in New York one day, I was in New Orleans the next, I was in San Francisco the next. I was a master of my own destiny. Like Sinatra says, I did it my way. Now all of the sudden, I have to be dependent. Somebody even has to sometimes open the door for me. I don't like it. Like I say, if I had my car here, it wouldnít be so bad and Iíd have freedom. I wouldnít be sitting here now if I had a car. On a day like this, Iíd be out someplace. Tool around a little bit. That car would be a convertible.

[piano music comes up, then fades to black]

[sound of door opening, Dev Appleyard into the room]

BETTY APPLEYARD (to husband): Hi honey.

BETTY APPLEYARD: Iím Betty Appleyard, on a Saturday afternoon. Iím sitting in my living room. If youíd like to know a little bit about the house where we live, itís called a townhouse, here on the campus. Dev just came out of the shower looking great in his navy blue robe and his nice white hair freshly shampooed.

BETTY: You look pretty good with a new haircut.
DEV APPLEYARD: Thanks.
BETTY: How do you like that?
DEV: I needed a haircut.
BETTY: Well, I know it was just looking terrible. I trimmed the back.
DEV: You said in the back it looked shaggy, huh? It looked bad.
BETTY: It didnít look good. I wish you cared more about it. [laughs] [door closes]

BETTY: He does have a really nice head of hair. My sister always teases him about his wig. Heís so very thin rangy, lanky, long-legs. [sigh] Heís so tall and Iím so short.

[creaking noise]

BETTY: The noise is my walker as I go around here. When I bought it, the man I bought it from said this is the Cadillac of walkers. So, I look at it and think: I didnít want it, but Iím very grateful that I have it. We canít choose what happens to us. I would never have chosen this kind of body if I could have gotten another kind. But as I tell everybody, from the chin up Iím OK, but from there down things are not so great.

[music, Beethoven]

BETTY: Oh, Devís music is going rather loudly all of the sudden. Is this your favorite one, Dev?
DEV: I think so.
BETTY: Beethoven Opus 132 in A-minor?
DEV: Right.
BETTY: Oh, how I used to look forward to those musicals when they came to Chicago.
DEV: I know, I know.
BETTY: No more going down town.
DEV: No more going to anything like that.
BETTY: Not with me. You can go. You should go with the Lymanís, they do everything.
DEV: No, no, no. Thatís not good idea.
BETTY: Well, it is good idea. You just always say that you canít go out with out me, but you can.
DEV: Yeah. Right, well. Itís all right.

[music fades under]

BETTY: Well he stays with me a lot of times when I know heíd rather be doing other things. Heís not a very expressive or emotional person. And heíll just say itís all right, itís OK, I donít mind. But, I sometimes feel that I mind. And I just feel I guess as all older people feel as you grow older, that you donít want to be a burden - to anyone - and especially not to your husband.

DEV: OK, I think Iíll go get something to eat.
BETTY: As usual. [laughs] As usual. Snack, snack, snack.
DEV: Right.
BETTY: Should I clean up the kitchen?
DEV: Itís all cleaned up.
BETTY: Oh, really?
DEV: It wasnít much.
BETTY: [laughs] OK, hon.

[banjo music: "When you're smiling...", then music fades to black]


[scissors snipping sounds]

EVELYN JO JOHNSON: This is the Westminster Beauty Salon, and Iím Evelyn Jo Johnson. Iím getting a little haircut right now. And this is Karen.

KAREN: Mrs. Johnson started out having a shampoo and an oil treatment, a hot oil treatment. [snipping] And now sheís having her hair set and styled. And then she will be a raving beauty. Not that she isnít already. [clipper sound, fades under]

JACK BEIERWALTES: Iím Jack Beierwaltes and um...Well, Iím only interested in one woman and thatís Evelyn Jo Johnson. Sheís at the hairdresser now. She takes care of herself very nicely and sheís got a great smile and I love it.

EVELYN: Jack is a nice fellow. Well, itís nice to have somebody to hold your hand, when things get rough and stuff.

JACK: Her apartment is just down the hall so I would see her at breakfast lunch and dinner. That was the beginning of it.

EVELYN: And itís just a very nice feeling to all of the sudden have somebody.

[sound of hairdryer]

JACK: We have some pretty ladies around here, and we have some very lovely ladies around here. But they don't have her charm and attractiveness for me. And thatís why sheís my gal.

[piano music: "When you're smiling...", knock on door]

JACK: Hereís the man. Hi honey, sit down here.
EVELYN: Well youíre sitting right in the middle.
JACK: OK. OK, honey.

JACK: Well, her husband had been dead for a few years. And my wife had been dead for two or three years. So, I asked her one night. She was in my arms and I asked her if she would look with favor upon getting married. [laughs]

EVELYN: Absolutely! [laughs]

[music fades to black]

[dining room sound]

JOE PEINE: [cough] I get sick and tired of looking at gray hair and walkers and walking sticks. When I first got in here I thought it was wonderful. All Iím waiting for is to go out and meet some nice people. Never happened. All I met was a bunch of stiffs. Iím used to walking in a dining room and everybody says "Hi Joe, hiya baby? Hi, whatís up?" But that isnít the case here.

JOE (to waiter): I want my usual. Butter pecan with chocolate sauce.
WAITER: Any vanilla ice cream or chocolate chip?
JOE: Iíll have butter pecan.
WAITER: OK.
JOE: And you can throw this away.
WAITER: [slight laugh] All right.

[dishes clink]

JOE: Now most of the men sitting at that table there, theyíre all people that came from this area. Eight men that sit there every night. The pallbearers, I call them. [chuckles to himself] They sit there a speak in a well-modulated tone. And, theyíre different types of people. Theyíre bankers, former heads of businesses, lawyers. I was a menís clothing man. [laughs] We don't talk the same language. As the saying goes, Iím the new kid on the block. So I sit over to the side where I can keep my little tank, by my side. And Iím sure that maybe these men see me as a half-invalid and they feel "oh, gee whiz, this guyís on his last leg." Maybe they feel that way. [chuckles] But I certainly don't feel that way.

[dining room sound fades to black]

[sound of typing]

ELEANOR ERICKSON: Iím writing a birthday card to my nephew. Now, Iím ninety-six years old and he is eighty years old. So heís a pretty much grown up boy. [typing] I canít write longhand anymore, my hands are weak and arthritic. And Iím just glad if I can sign my name. But Iím very thankful that I can type. And I write an awful lot of letters. Iíve written hundreds over the few years. Thatís a lot of letters. [flipping through sheets of papers] And I don't just write "the weather is nice" or something like that.

[typing fades under]

ELEANOR: Very often I say a prayer of thanks for people that had an impact on my life. All my life. And I don't think any of us can have dozens of very close friends through the years. But Iíve had a few that I treasured. Theyíre all gone. But close friendships take time. Now there are a lot of wonderful people here. You donít get to know them that well. We get together in groups, weíre together three meals a day. But even those that you feel are very special, itís just a different relationship. It takes time to build a relationship. And you don't have the time here. [typing] Finished!

[pulls paper out of typewriter, fades to black]

JOE PEINE: Letís put it this way: I never was a joiner. My wife was. She was very social, so to speak. My daughter is very social. Uh, my son is exceedingly social. And Iím not. I got a lot of good books that I read. Read the paper. In the evening I watch television for a few hours and...Iím not lonesome. Fact of the matter is, if somebody came to the door some afternoon, I might turn him away. I might say, "Iím sorry, Iím busy." I havenít had that privilege, but nevertheless, I could. It all depends on upon who knocks at the door. I havenít been able to find anybody yet. Maybe Iím not looking so hard. Maybe Iím not trying. Maybe I do not have the forcefulness that an old salesman used to have. You never know where youíll find somebody that youíre akin to. You never know.

[fades to black]

[music fades up]

BETTY APPLEYARD: Itís Betty again. I woke up early this morning, about five fifteen. And I turn on the light in the bedroom because Dev sleeps very soundly. Each morning I do wake up with some pain and discomfort and then I get up and sit in the living room and look out. The sun, the morning sun is coming in through the windows now. And it hits a little crystal bowl thatís sitting on a chest in the middle of our living room. And then the whole spectrum I can see on the white wall behind it. Unfortunately, I can also see the dust on the top of that little chest. [pause] Well, I felt that after the second knee surgery that I would be able to do more things and I wouldnít be in pain. But itís been a very great disappointment to me that the knee is not working. And I have actually fallen, even within the walker. So that now Iím extremely cautious and worrying that Iím going to fall. Thatís what the doctor told me, he said that the x-rayís fine, thereís nothing to do. And I said, "The man that did the first knee for me..." and he just sort of interrupted me and he said, "There is nothing can be done. Nothing can be done. And we could put a brace on you from the hip to the toe," and he said, "Well, people wear them and then quite often they opt for amputation." [pause] Thatís all. And he said, "You can come back and see me in two or three months, if you want to." That was it, that was the end of it. [pause] I was just so startled. So that was what I heard, and you know it takes one back. And I think well, if it would work, if it would help, I would do it. It doesnít always help. And think that Iíll never be walking along like other people, ever. But Iím hoping that I wonít be totally...Iím sorry... [tries to keep from crying] But I think that if I do become more disabled, I think of things that I could do. And my eyes are still good, thank heavens. But Iíll be fine. Not perfect, but fine. [soft laugh]

[background music fades to black]


GEORGE STAMM: [plays a few notes on piano] I used to play all sorts of things. My fingers are so bad, and theyíre stiff - nothing moves. Well, letís see how this comes out.

[begins playing piano again, then fades under]

ELEANOR ERICKSON: One of my good friends from the home here died this morning. So...She was a very nice person, one of the first that I knew here. And I talked to her often. She played bridge with some people Friday night and Iím sure I saw her yesterday. So today sheís gone. So we have to be prepared, don't we? We never know.

[music comes up]

DEV APPLEYARD: I think I used to think quite often, "Oh, Iím going to die someday." It just didnít seem like it could happen - that the world will go on. But you begin to realize that it will come to you eventually. I used to go to a lot of weddings, but now itís funerals. No weddings lately. [chuckles]

ELEANOR: I hope when the last moments come - I say Iím not afraid to die - I hope when the time actually comes, I will still feel that way. I have friends here that are very ready to go. And I hope that I will be like they are. I donít believe that I will die. Life will change. And I will be in a better place.

[piano music fades to black]



[organ music begins, sounds of church]

JACK BEIERWALTES (reading from invitation): Mrs. Evelyn Jo Johnson and Mr. John S. Beierwaltes invite you to be with us as we begin our new life together. At two oíclock in the afternoon at Elliot Chapel of the Presbyterian Homes. No gifts please - your best wishes are preferred.

[organ music ends]

MINISTER: I, Jack, take thee, Evelyn Jo.
JACK: I, Jack, take thee, Evelyn Jo.
MINISTER: To be my wedded wife.
JACK: To be my wedded wife...[vows continue and fade under]

JACK: Weddings are few and far between at Presbyterian Homes. The kids are all in from all over the country to be a part of our wedding.

MINISTER: You may kiss the bride.

[crowd claps, bells ring, organ music]

JACK: Iím looking forward to it. Iím looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her.

[greeting visitors in reception line]

JACK: Hello Gretchen itís good to have you here, glad to see you here. Molly itís great to have you here. Iím glad you came. Oh, they said we understand youíre going to tie cans on our walkers... [laugh]

[organ music, reception sounds fade to black]


[sound of door opening. woman's voice]

ELEANOR ERICKSON: Well, well, well, well ó hi there darling!
GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER: Hello.
ELEANOR: Hello. My granddaughter just came to visit me with her two children, my two great granddaughters...

[looking through photo album]

ELEANOR: These were kids that I grew up with in our old neighborhood. This is me, the third one.
GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER: Wow, this is you?
ELEANOR: Thatís me!
GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER: Cause that I could recognize.
ELEANOR: And thatís me.
GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER: Yeah.
ELEANOR: And...a pleated skirt, but you canís see that. Iím holding it up.
GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER: [laughs] Youíre holding it up!
ELEANOR: Itís kind of faded out isnít it? I was about five years old and when I look it over I think everybody on there is gone except me. I alone am left. [laughs]
GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER: Tell it like it is. [laughing]


ELEANOR: My family is important. And I think Iím beginning to feel Iím more important to them than I have realized.

[joking around with great granddaughters, laughing, then sound fades to black]

ELEANOR: When Iím with my grandchildren sometimes I realize how much I have slowed down. When youíre in a place like this you have more time and you do think of your life. My past. What I wish I had done differently. About the people that have had an impact on my life. My life has been rich with friendships - true friendships - and I think a lot about that these days. But, I think sometimes people do, they dread getting old. You often hear that. I would not want to re-live my life. There are a lot of wonderful memories that I have. But I donít want to go back. Iím going forward.

[piano begins to play, group sings: "A shanty in old shantytown..."]


HOST: The Last Place: Diary of a Retirement Home was produced by Joe Richman as part of the series, Radio Diaries. Thanks to Eleanor Erickson, Joe Peine, Dev and Betty Appleyard, and newlyweds Evelyn Jo Johnson and John Beierwaltes for sharing their audio diaries. The music was performed by Presbyterian Home residents George Stamm, Claude Metzler, and the monthly Presbyterian Home singalong group.



© Joe Richman/Radio Diaries, 1998