Nick Epperson in Salt Lake City, Utah: "Home School to High School"
TEENAGE DIARIES
Produced by: Joe Richman All Things Considered (NPR)
9/28/99



Part 1

Robert Seigel, Host: As part of our occasional series Teenage Diaries, producer Joe Richman has been giving tape recorders to young people around the country so they can document their lives. Nick Epperson of Salt Lake City, Utah began keeping his audio diary two years ago when he was 13. Nick's journal is a record of change, changes in his friends , his school and even his voice. This is Nick's radio diary.

(Music fades up)

Nick: Hi, um, this is Nick, and I'm gonna play this piece I wrote (music fades up) enjoy!

(music continues)

Nick: (sings) How are you? I'm ok, its Halloween. My friend's sick it's raining, it's Halloween. I can't play cello for money, I feel like a nobody. If there... (plays wrong notes) oh shit (starts again) if there was some beer, I'd drink it and get out of here. (music ends) That's my song.

(sound fades out)

(door closes, walking outside)

Nick: Bye mom! It's 7:40 in the morning, and I'm walking to school and the sun is just about to rise over the mountains. (dog begins barking). The delighted barks of Freckles, the dog. Walking down 10th Ave, getting nearer and nearer to school.

(sound of walking fades)

Nick: I just hate going to school every day.

(school bell rings, sound of classroom)

Teacher: Quesque ce, Phillipe? Quesque ce?

Nick: At school I can't pay attention, you know, its - I hate it so much, I can't ever pay attention in class and learn.

(classroom sound fades)
(sounds of kids outside yelling)

Nick: It's third lunch. Here's a football game going on. Sometimes I like to play in that but, I rarely get passed to. Last year I actually had a few friends. This year, pshhhhhhh, they're gone. They all just um, ignore me cuz I'm different. I don't know what's so different about me, I'm not really strange or I don't dress differently than others, I don't know. I don't know why people didn't want to be my friend. It's like one continuous day of depression at school.

(school bell rings)

Nick: Thanks for bearing with me, and I'll talk to you when I get home.

(sound fades out)

(cello music begins)

Nick: You know, when I'm feeling, like, really disgusted with myself, I pick up my cello. (cello music) Every time you start playing, it's like I don't have any stress at all. I don't even listen to anything. I just sort of space out. I just pick it up and space out. (cello music gets louder - then ends)

Mom: Dinner's done!

Dad: Dinner's ready guys, everybody come to the table. Spaghetti!

Nick: We always eat dinner together as a family. Every single night, we meet at about 5:30 or 6:00 and have a long dinner together and talk about our day.

(sounds of the dinner table)

Brother: Nick, do you want to talk about junior high at all? Are you still kind of sad about going?

Nick: I don't like anything much that's going on in school, and I'm actually bored, a lot of the times. Like no one knows me, no one wants to get to know me. I just hate going to school everyday. What do you think I should do?

Dad: It's hard to talk about.

(cello music, then fades out)

(sound of Nick and mom)

Nick: ok, example two, if

Mom: one line..

Nick: ok, ok, I got it. If two adjacent angles form a straight line, then the sum of the measures equals 180

Mom: Good. ok, written exercises - lets get a pencil for this.

(They continue to work on math problems, under)

Nick: Since I last talked, which was two weeks ago, my parents have been offering to take home studies, taking home school.

(sound up)

Nick: prove angle two which is angle four, which is 180. All right this is a proof.

Mom: all you have to do is say...

Nick: No, this is a proof mom. You can write it down.

Mom: Equations can be added...

Nick: No, Mom, watch.

Mom: ok, go ahead.

(scene fades under)

Nick: And so I decided, why should I have to got to 8th grade anymore? I hate it so much. I've had enough of it.

(sound up)

Nick: There, our first proof, we did all by ourself.

Mom: (laughs)

Nick: I quit school, because school sucked.

(scene fades out)

(Nick: 1,2,3,4, cello song begins)

Nick: Let me tell you about what I do everyday. I get up at 7:00, I take a shower, do some French, read Great Expectations, and I play some cello. Home school is great.

Nick (singing): I like this, I like this groove we've got. I like this, this new machine we bought. Let's keep it, let's keep this thing on. You know it, we won't ever yawn. This bright red love machine, has made us King and Queen.

(music ends, sound fades out)

(sounds of Nick's kitchen)

Nick: You can hear the tea boiling in the back, what should I have? Oregon Mint? Licorice spice herbal tea or cinnamon apple. Hmmm (laughs)

(cello begins under)

Nick: Its been about a month since I've been going to home school and um, home school is good, but, I don't have the best social skills right now. What I'm saying is I'm out of practice, at making friends. Like the other night I felt really lonely, and um, I knew these two girls they only live a few blocks away and one night I just decided maybe I should just go over there and be brave. (cello music fades out) And I walked over to the house, I knocked on the door, and I went in and um, it was really uncomfortable. I tried like, pushing good questions on her to start conversations. But we just felt really strange around each other and it was awful and I just went and I... (cello music fades up) if you could give me any advice or give me some potion that would make people my age start liking me, or, I don't know. I just need to know how to socialize or I'm gonna go nuts.

(cello music loud - then ends, sound fades out)

Robert Seigel, Host: The decision to return to school, when Nick's audio diary continues, in just a minute, on All Things Considered.

(cello music)



© 1996, Joe Richman



Part 2

Linda Wertheimer/Host: This is NPR's All Things Considered, I''m Linda Wertheimer.
Robert Seigel/Host: And I'm Robert Seigel. Our audio diary continues now, Nick is 14 years old.

Nick: This is your lovely host Nick Epperson, and It's been about 4 months since I last recorded. I think my voice has changed considerably (laughs) Another thing that bugs me is I'm coming down with some acne and I wash my face all the time and I have a face problem, ok?

Nick: Dad?

Dad: Hi there Nick.

Nick: I was just going to ask you if you've noticed any changed in my life since I've started home school.

Dad: I think, overall this has been a good experience for you, as far as French and history and all that's concerned. But, like, deeper and more than that, um, sometimes I go back and forth a little bit, sometimes I feel almost like we indulge your emotions or your moods, or your feelings, maybe too much. And sometimes I just want to tell you to kind of snap out of it. What? You're making a face. I'm going on and I shouldn't be saying what I'm saying. I just feel like I'm just being honest for a minute.

Nick: ok

Dad: But you're a serious kind of guy. Just like me.

(sound fades out)

Nick: I spend too much time moping and just.... yech. I don't know. It's hard just to feel good and do lots of things these days. It's hard to work, it's hard to learn, it's hard to practice, it's hard to do anything. There's one more thing I want to talk about. Um, today, my mom arranged an appointment for me with a doctor to talk about depression, and I think that we've waited too long to do this, personally. I just need to cheer up. Thanks for listening. Bye.

(cello music, then fades out)

(sound of Nick walking outside)

Nick: Wow, it's a really sunny gorgeous day - there's just a few clouds. I've missed out on a lot of recording lately, and many, many things have happened. I decided it would be good to go back to school. It's time to make some freaking friends, you know? All right. (sighs) I have prepared to cross the street to west high (sounds of kids yelling) I look over there - there are just, it's pretty amazing, they're all gathered on the south lawn and, wow, it's packed. Packed with children. I'm excited.

Teacher: Students you have two minutes to get to class.

(student orchestra tuning up)

Teacher: Ok, lets read that for the first time all together. 1, 2, 3, 4

(class orchestra begins to play)

Nick: Well, the first day of school, I think I was sort of in a frenzy. Like I got to find the kids I like, I got to take notes in the classes. It was sort of just like a puppy running into a house just trying to soak all this new stuff in.

Teacher: (music fades up) Thank you!

Nick: That was my first day.

(school sounds fade out)

(knock on door)

Nick: Come in! My brother Dietrich is seated in bed.

Brother: So Nick, what do you think, you think you're better or worse or what?

Nick: I'm just, I don't have a real identity now. And like during lunch, like, every person I go to, I'm kind of frightened, because they have everything figured out for themselves. And I don't have the skills like you do of getting people to be friends with. You know what I'm saying?

Brother: Can I tell you something? I mean, I don't know if you know this. Basically, everyone I hang out with, you know my age, like 19,20. And uh, every girl has been absolutely knocked out by you, you know? You heard Laura said, oh, Nick if you were only like 4 years older and stuff. I mean, you're tall, you're sexy, you got that cute hair and those intense eyes. But you're also so musical, and sort of sensitive, and honest. I think you're kind of like a time bomb, you know? Or maybe you're like one of those infectious diseases, you know, its like you're in the dormant stage right now.

(sound fades out)

(instruments fade in)

Nick: All right Mark. All right, be quiet! ok.

Nick and Mark: (music starts, both sing) She goes to Davis High, She's so pretty, oh my, (music fades under)

Nick: A couple of weeks ago I went to a party. The thing that was really cool is, at this party, I kissed someone for the first time. She was drunk, but um, basically, when she was talking with me, all of a sudden, she just kissed me on the cheek and it was hilarious. She kissed me on the cheek and then I kissed her on the cheek, and then we just both kissed each other. It was really cool.

(sounds outside of school)

Girl: Hey Nick, what's up?

Nick: (yells) Monica Torez! Whoo!

Nick: (sound fades under) It's the end of the year, yearbook day.

Girl: May I see your yearbook.

Nick: I have an electronic yearbook. Here - sign it with your voice

Girl: With my voice? Well Nicholas, I've had just a lovely year getting to know you. And unfortunately, we only were like buddies like the second half of the year, so we must keep in touch this summer, give me a call.

(sound fades under)

Nick: When I look at it, so much in my life has happened. I've changed a lot. As a child I was really happy, and I was really enthusiastic about everything that I did. About cello, about my writing, about drawing, about school, friends about everything. And since the beginning of Junior High, since I've gotten older, I'm not as idealistic as I used to be. I think I see life more as it is now and I'm not as dreamy and creative as I used to be. But, maybe it's just still deep in my brain, in storage, I'm just letting you know that.

(sound fades up)

Girl: Thanks for everything, and I think you have really nice eyes, I just got to tell you that.

Nick: Well, that just about wraps up it all. Good-bye, and it's been a pleasure.

(1,2,3,4....cello song begins)

Robert Seigel/Host: Our audio diary was recorded by 15 year old Nick Epperson. Nick also performed all the music. His story was produced by Joe Richman for the series Teenage Diaries.

(cello song)

Nick (singing): I like this, I like this groove we've got. I like this, this new machine we bought. Let's keep it, let's keep this thing on. You know it, we won't ever yawn. This bright red love machine, has made us King and Queen. This bright red love machine, has made us King and Queen.

(music ends)




© 1999, Joe Richman